things starting with l and f.

things starting with l and f.

It is important to know that I was recently dumped.

I’m pretty bitter still.

It’s okay.

I’m working on it.

I went out with him for over 2 and a half years.

He ended it only 30 feet away from where he first asked me out.

Fucking sentimental shit.

Sorry, like I said, bitter.

He said that he didn’t feel like he knew me anymore.

I said that that wasn’t my fault.

He agreed, but he told me,

he told me,

that he just didn’t want to be with me anymore.

That he had fallen out of love with me.

That he had felt this way for a long time.

This is when I got pissed.

Because I slept with him less then a week before.

And had slept with him repeatedly during the month

that he fell out of love with me.

I began to sob.

I began to cry.

I might have punched him the face.

He’s a lot bigger then me, so don’t worry.

I don’t understand how he doesn’t love me anymore.

I don’t think I ever will.

So many movie ticket stubs, Thai food meals did we share.

So many laughs and cuddles and giggles and hugs.

So many tears.

So many late night phone calls, and him telling me that he absolutely adored me.

It’s all gone now.

He used to tell me, “How’s my favorite girl doing?”

Before we broke up, he wouldn’t respond at all.

He told me I was depressing to be around.

That really hurt me.

So many phone calls,

so many I love yous.

Fancy dinners, dinners at his place, dinners at mine.

Big Bang theory marathons, Watching avatar in his bed.

Bowling like children, laughing at me as I hit the gutter everytime.

I miss you.

I sometimes forget that we broke up.

It still feels weird, after being with you so long, seeing you and not being happy to see you.

I occasionally catch myself looking at my phone to see if you’ve texted me.

A habit.

I wish I could have made you happy.

But it’s not my fault that I didn’t,

So why do I feel like it’s mine to carry.

When you’ve moved on.

Fuck you for fucking me when you knew you were going to break up with me.

Fuck you for betraying me like you said you never would.

Fuck you.

Love.

Love.

Love.

It hurts.

I don’t need you, but it feels so weird without you.

 

 

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